The Power of Saying "No"

Do you have difficulty in saying "No" to people?
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"No" is such a simple word....only two letters. Yet saying "No" out loud is harder for most people than saying, "I'll be glad to..." (eleven letters)or "When do you need me to..." (seventeen letters)

Most of us said, "No!" quite well when we were two. After all, it's the two-year-old's job to say "No." The authority figures in our lives at the time, our parents, expect us to say "No." And it is because of "No" that the year is known as the Terrible Two's.

Many of us grow up to be people pleasers. The word "No" drops out of our vocabulary, and we substitute lots of ways to be agreeable and keep the other person happy. Saying "No" to the authority figures is not expected. And underneath it all we believe that saying "No" can cost us a lot in our adult life.

We all need to say “no” sometimes. However, "no” can be quite a challenge. A no that's poorly stated can be alienating, harmful, disruptive and damaging to both personal and professional relationships. Often times, turning down someone's request can be an awkward affair, and unintentionally offensive.

Here are some of the quick tips on how to say "No"

Be quick. Tell the person you can’t do it, and politely decline right away. That way you don’t hold up anyone else’s plans.
Be honest. Explain that you have other commitments and can’t make it.
Suggest an alternative. Name another person who might be able to take your place.
Ask for a raincheck. Sometimes we really do want to do something but just don’t have the time right then. Make a plan for the future so you still show good faith.

I hope this will power up your day! Let me know if you agree with this!

Hmmmmm! lesson filled. but

This is rather long but thought provoking...Gbenga Emiloju wrote:
Please read this... Carefully. It's rich and deep.

In 2010 I was a senior manager in a nice firm, my future was bright in the company and I was highly recommended for head of my department. There was a rising star as well, his name is Jacob. I tutored him and tried to manage his excesses because he was exceptionally brilliant. But, he was lazy and carefree. Hardly would he take corrections and rarely would he apologise.

My other colleagues wondered what I saw in him, but they weren’t working directly with him. I knew his type: he hated structure and would never last under a corporate environment. Still, he was a brilliant strategist. I handled him well and our results together with others on my team was highly commendable.

There came a time I was having marital issues and for this reason, I had little patience with Jacob and his shenanigans. I was short-tempered with him but he had gotten used to me managing his excesses, he didn’t take my anger seriously. In two weeks, I had given him 3 queries. This meant dismissal and when I was asked by HR if I truly wanted to let him go, I could not care less. I had my own problems and was not in the mood to babysit anyone.

Three years later, I lost my job because the company was downsizing and top management was affected. I foolishly assumed I would get a job anywhere so initially, I wasn’t worried. But 12 months in, I was still searching and my savings was dwindling fast. I decided, since I wasn’t getting any job, I’d drive my SUV as a cab to those commuting from the airport. This was better than waiting around for nothing…

The cab job surprisingly was not doing badly as I was picking up and dropping off esteemed clients. It wasn’t a lot of money but it was steady.

In July 2016, an esteemed client asked me to pick up his friend from the airport because his driver had flaked on him. This person I was to pick up would turn out to be Jacob. When he called to confirm his location, I instantly recognised his voice. My heart plunged but I wasn’t going to reject the job and disappoint a long-term client. Jacob exited the airport with only a hand luggage so there was no need for me to alight from the car. As he got in the car, I looked back from the driver’s seat to greet him but he was distracted on the phone and never looked up to notice me. He only answered my greeting and asked me to get going

As I drove him all the way to a hotel on the Island, I had tears in my eyes. He looked like he was doing well, his conversations on the phone also showed that he was in control. Jacob had done well for himself and I was now driving him. Life is tricky and has a way of making you the butt of its joke. I cannot lie that I was ashamed but I would never forgive myself if I let him go without letting him know I was proud of him.

We got to the hotel and I quickly got down from the car to open his door. This was when he noticed me. He was speechless for a while then he said in Yoruba “Oga you have been the one driving me since?” He was shocked at first but then he hugged me tight. The tears finally poured, I can’t really say what I felt but I know I didn’t expect his reaction.

“I heard you were let go, I sent you a message on my other number to find out how you were but you never responded”He said while still holding on to my shoulders

I remember receiving a message from him but he was one out of many that called or texted to pity me. I didn’t want anyone’s pity so I never responded.

Jacob made me park my car and took me in to his room to talk. He immediately told me about his new gig. After he was laid off, he got a consultation deal with a multinational which opened doors for him in other multinationals. Now, he has 15 people working for him but he was in desperate need of someone who does the same as him and he didn’t have to worry about their competence. He just wanted to focus more on bringing business to the company.

My life changed that day. I resumed work with Jacob in one week and I have made sure since then to treat his company as if it were mine.

I don’t know why he treated me so nicely after what I did to him but as men, we have never talked about it. I am sure though, that he can feel my gratitude in the way I work and my zeal in doing all I can to make sure he doesn’t have to worry about the back-end.

I hope someone learns from this. lf the world turns upside down, you may end up cleaning for your cleaner. Please always remember this when you act without consideration of the other person’s future.

Source: ANONYMOUS

It's in YOU.

Did you know that at Harvard, one of the most prestigious universities in the world, the most popular and successful course teaches you how to learn to be happier?

 The Positive Psychology class taught by Ben Shahar attracts 1400 students per semester and 20% of Harvard graduates take this elective course.

According to Ben Shahar, the class - which focuses on happiness, self-esteem and motivation - gives students the tools to succeed and face life with more joy._This 35-year-old teacher, considered by some to be "the happiness guru", highlights in his class 14 key tips for improving the quality of our personal status and contributing to a positive life:

🚩Tip 1. *Thank God for everything you have*:  Write down 10 things you have in your life that give you happiness. Focus on the good things!
🚩Tip 2. *Practice physical activity* Experts say exercising helps improve mood. 30 minutes of exercise is the best antidote against sadness and stress.
🚩Tip 3. *Breakfast:* Some people miss breakfast for lack of time or not to get fat. Studies show that breakfast gives you energy, helps you think and perform your activities successfully.
🚩Tip 4. *Be Assertive*: Ask what you want and say what you think. Being assertive helps improve your self-esteem. Being left and remaining silent creates sadness and hopelessness.
🚩Tip 5. *Spend your money on experiences*..a study found that 75% of people felt happier when they invested their money in travel, courses and classes; While only the rest said they felt happier when buying things.
🚩Tip 6. *Face your challenges*: Studies show that the more you postpone something, the more anxiety and tension you generate. Write short weekly lists of tasks and complete them.
🚩Tip 7. *Put everywhere nice memories, phrases and photos of your loved ones*: Fill your fridge, your computer, your desk, your room, YOUR LIFE of beautiful memories.
🚩Tip 8. *Always greet and be nice to other people*: More than 10

0 inquiries state that just smiling changes the mood.
🚩Tip 9. *Wear comfortable shoes*: If your feet hurt you, you become moody, says Dr. Keinth Wapner, President of the American Orthopedics Association.
🚩Tip 10. *Take care of your posture*: Walk straight with your shoulders slightly backwards and the front view helps to maintain a good mood.
🚩Tip 11. *Listen to music* (Praise God): It is proven that listening to music awakens you to sing, this will make your life happy.
🚩Tip 12. *What you eat has an impact on your mood*:- Do not skip meals, eat lightly every 3 to 4 hours and keep glucose levels stable.- Avoid excess white flour and sugar.- Eat everything! Healthy- Vary your food.
🚩Tip 13. *Take care of yourself and feel attractive*:70% of people say they feel happier when they think they look good.
🚩Tip 14. *Fervently believe in God*: With Him nothing is impossible!

Happiness is like a remote control, we lose it every time, we go crazy looking for it and many times without knowing it, we are sitting on top of it... 👍👍🙏

Fear of Failure 

Most of us will stumble and fall in life. Doors will get 

slammed in our faces, and we might make some bad decisions. 

But imagine if Michael Jordan had given up on his 

dream to play basketball when he was cut from that team. 

Imagine if Richard Branson had listened to the people who told him he'd never do anything worthwhile without a high school diploma. Think of 

the opportunities you'll miss if you let your failures stop you. 

Failure can also teach us things about ourselves that we would never have learned otherwise. For 

instance, failure can help you discover how strong a person you are. 

Failing at something can help you discover your truest friends, or help you find unexpected 

motivation to succeed. I like what Thomas Edison said "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." 

My friend, whatever difficulties you face. 

Don't give up! 

balance

Life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy by yourself and for yourself. Happiness comes from within. You have the power to change your own mindset so that all the negative, horrible thoughts that try to invade your psyche are replaced with happy, positive, wonderful thoughts.  -- Ellen DeGeneres

Reflect

Pause and Pounder I have reflects you...

Charity wrapped in dignity

Charity wrapped in dignity🕴🕴🕴

She asked him, "How much are you selling the eggs for?"

The old seller replied to her, "Rs.5/- for one egg, Madam."

She said to him, "I will take 6 eggs for Rs.25/- or I will leave."

The old seller replied, "Come take them at the price you want. May God  bless us, and maybe this is a good beginning because I have not been able sell to anyone today."

She took it and walked away with a feeling that she has won. She got into her fancy car and went to pick her friend, and invited her to a posh  restaurant.

She and her friend sat down and ordered what they liked. They ate a little and left a lot of what they ordered.

Then she went to pay the bill. The bill was Rs.1,400/-. She gave him Rs. 1,500/- and said to the owner of the restaurant: "Keep the change."

This incident may seem quite  normal to the owner of the restaurant. But it is very painful for the poor egg seller.

The bottom line is:

Why do we always show that we have the power when we buy from the needy and the poor? And  why  are we generous with those who do not need our generosity ?

Every time a poor child comes to me to sell something simple, I remember a tweet from the son of a rich man who said, "After every prayer my father used to buy simple goods from poor people at  expensive prices, even though he did not need them.

 Sometimes he used to pay more for them. I used to get concerned by this act and I asked  him about it. Then my father told me: 'It is a charity wrapped with dignity, my son.'"

Compare these two stories of social hypocrisy.

The first one is disappointing and the second one is inspiring.

*NAKED TRUTH*

One day, a school teacher wrote on the board the following:
*9×1=7*
*9×2=18*
*9×3=27*
*9×4=36*
*9×5=45*
*9×6=54*
*9×7=63*
*9×8=72*
*9×9=81*
*9×10=90*

When He was done, he looked back at the students and they were all *laughing at him  because of the first equation which was wrong.*

Then the teacher said the following:
I wrote the first equation wrong on purpose, because I wanted you to learn *Something important.*

This was for you to know how the world out there will TREAT you!

You can see that I wrote the *RIGHT thing nine times*, but none of you congratulated me for it.

But you all laughed and criticized me because of *one wrong thing* I did.

*The lesson is:*
The world Will Never Appreciate the good you do *a million times*, but will Criticize the *one wrong thing* you do.
So don't Get Discouraged!

*ALWAYS RISE ABOVE ALL THE LAUGHTER AND CRITICISM.*
Don't *Look Up* to man; *look Up to God!*

*This is worth sharing.*

LOVE IS NOT A GIFT IT'S A BATON...

Based on the parable of the unmerciful servant who received mercy but didn't pass it on.

Once batons become owned, love stops flowing...we are carriers of the baton of love, grace, mercy and forgiveness not keepers...

Church history has been the erratic story of a church that's either passed the baton on or kept and warehoused it.

Nobody owns the baton

Batons can't be handled twice

Batons can't be dropped

Batons are passed in motion

Batons must be passed in a zone...delayed passing like delayed love is a fail.

Selective love

Controlling love

Conditional love

Protected love

Manipulative love

Coercive love...are not valid batons.

WE ARE SERVANTS OF THE BATON and few things make God as angry as when people who've received his love, mercy, grace and forgiveness...don't pass it on.

Have a great week ahead and remember to keep passing on love as you are receiving.

pause and pounder